Ask me anything
* Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
* Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
* A dyslexic man walks into a bra…
* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
* When in doubt, mumble.
* I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
* There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
* If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
* If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
* 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
* What if there were no hypothetical questions?
* A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
* Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
* IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.
* To do is to be [Descartes]. To be is to do [Voltaire]. Do be do be do [Frank Sinatra].
* On the other hand… You have different fingers.
* The winner of the rat race is still a rat.